Twisting the dial on the stereo,

to turn up the music,

as high as it will go.

Drowning out the voices,

from the memories,

that play continuously in my head.

Fuck it, fuck it, fuck it.

Gripping the pillow against my ears,

tossing and turning against the sheets,

the more I try to silence you,

the louder you seem to get.

This Novocain of music,

won’t work anymore.

I am trying to find my fix,

where is my fix?

If you find my fix,

stick the needle in my arm.

Stick the pill under my tongue,

just silence this voice in my head.

 

I am fighting you but you are stubborn.

You won’t leave this mind,

I made it real comfortable for you.

You liar,

can’t you leave me alone?

Is it not enough that you have invaded my heart,

do you need to claim my mind too?

No instant satisfaction,

from one more beckoning girl,

will fill me with gratification,

like the taste of your kiss.

I won’t  fall for that once more.

I am not ones whore.

Rip these sheets to shreds with my nails,

rid this flesh of your fingerprints.

I will erase you from my life.

Let this music fill my head,

as to cease your memory.

All of the memories,

just fading.

Fade, fade, Fade it, fuck it, fade it.

 

Music as loud as it will go.

The singer is screaming,

something, what is he screaming?

I don’t know.

All I can hear is your voice,

your angelic,

deadly,

blasphemous,

tortuous,

voice.

 

All I can think about is you,

even when I am trying my best,

to forget you.

Once again what I do is not good enough.

My all was not good enough for you,

it is not good enough for your memory.

Maybe I will take that long neck,

I will swallow down the hurricane.

No chaser pills for me,

I want to feel the pain.

I want to think that for once,

you are screaming my name.

 

In the swirl of liquor,

I will forget all that I could not.

I will forget you even if for one moment.

For one moment I will be at peace,

and you will mean nothing.

Everything that you have done,

everything that you have said,

will be nothing but a figment of my imagination.

I will take deep breathes,

as the smoke enters my lungs.

Calm, now.

Calmly, I will sip until the six is gone.

I will puff until I can feel the fire,

burning my fingertips.

Calm, again.

I am calm.

 

I am going to feel this tomorrow.